Producing Gifts

'Cut!' (movie studio director)

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: All in a Day's Work

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'Brilliant... 'Slumlord Billionaire'!'

Rashida Jones

Coen Brothers

"Great idea fort a reality show. All we need are a cast, director and writers!"

Buster Keaton

New music conference

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

The New Hollywood Mystique.

Quentin Tarantino

Alfred Hitchcock

George Clooney.

Larry David

Tom Selleck

Enola Holmes/Millie Bobby Brown

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Cut!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."