Food Producer Gifts

"We think it's terribly important that you meet the people responsible for the food you're eating tonight."

Farm silos: flour, sugar, hops, jam.

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Apples for sale

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Cut!

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

New music conference

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Buster Keaton

Little Red Riding Carpet

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"And the award for the best use of AI in a movie goes to..."

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

"All stories have been told, all songs have been sung. But that won't stop us from making movie reboots."

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

Tim Burton

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.