Producing Pillows

'Cut!' (movie studio director)

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: All in a Day's Work

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'Brilliant... 'Slumlord Billionaire'!'

Coen Brothers

"Great idea fort a reality show. All we need are a cast, director and writers!"

New music conference

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

The New Hollywood Mystique.

Larry David

Tom Selleck

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'