Making Gifts

"I heard they make glass from sand but I have no idea where to begin."

'Andrew loves taking things apart and putting them back together...except he can never actually put them back together...'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

37 years in the same position.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Horror movies

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

Working hours.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.

No-Work Orange

Overworked in the office

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Comedy Cafe

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

Time for More Paperwork

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Stand-up Romcom