Making Up Gifts

Fake it with Flowers.

I need a not to expensive gift that doesn't hurt when thrown to my head.

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Halloween may be a little different this year.

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

"It's called, 'Goth'."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Have you got your make up on yet?

"Where are my eyelashes?"

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

First love.

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"Take my word for it, sir―it looks just great on you!"

"Jonathan! I've told you not to put your space toys in the freezer and pretend they're on the ice planet!"

"I'm not trying to be beautiful, I'm only trying to look better than everyone else there."

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'