Produce Pro Gifts

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Apples for sale

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Cut!

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

New music conference

GMOs: The Next Generation

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Buster Keaton

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Worker ant's To Do list.

Little Red Riding Carpet

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

Tim Burton