Music Production Gifts

Music producers.

'Playing out of tune doesn't make it a remix!'

"The drummer's got to go - he's too loopy."

Diplo

"Just play the hit single, then you can do the experimental track."

You know that symphony I wrote in GarageBand? It drops next week. You're invited. Symphonies don't "drop," little buddy. Rock albums "drop." R&B "drops." Symphonies "debut." And they usually debut in concert halls, with live musicians. Where's your symphony debuting? Anybody-can-upload-anything-for-people-to-download.com. I wonder if I can get my tux pressed in time.

I downloaded your band's new album. It's actually not bad at all. Thanks! I chose all the tracks and loops and dragged them onto the timeline myself. I even chose the pitch of the auto-tune. Well

George Martin

Composer

"I never remix business with pleasure!"

Recording Studio

'Congratulations, its a six pound audio technician.'

Music Technology

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

Louis Armstrong

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

A Symphony of Penguins

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Showbiz Awards

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

I could have danced all night!

Can You Spot the Differences?

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Mardi Gras

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.