Musical Producer Gifts

A Composer has gone to lunch and put a sign on his door - 'Bach in a minuet'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Lennon and McCartney.

Herman Mankiewicz

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Cut!

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Good news. We're not Daft Punk.'

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

Brad Pitt

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'