Record Producer Gifts

Bombast records 'In' tray and 'Phat' tray

'The perfect country star...'

Adam Levine

Platinum Baby Shark

P. Diddy

Adam Duritz

'Has your group got a name yet?'

"Mark my words, son, you're going to be massive"

Hot Little Demo Disc

The decline and fall of the recording industry.

Bell out of order - please rap.

The producer of the nature sounds albums tries to organize a world tour.'

George Martin

'Have a cigar, rolled on the thighs of a boyband member...'

Grace Jones

Smokey Robinson caricature.

Kanye West

"Just play the hit single, then you can do the experimental track."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

Lennon and McCartney.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."