Production T-Shirts

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

'Let's face it - we have no quality and we have no control.'

'We deal mostly in rolling stock...'

"We must have had an order."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Stage producer.

After nearly thirty years, Mike and Paul's friendship is put to the test.

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

Canadian film production

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'