Production Geek Gifts

"Yes, but why do me want cookie?"

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Twitter censorship

DVD extras - the making of the boxed set.

The First Printed Bible

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

Elephant ass selfie.

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

Broadway Theater coming productions. Look, they're bringing back a production of "Hair" with all the original cast members. It's going to be called "Bald".

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

Eden. Hi, I'm version 2.0.

Luke Sleepwalker...

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

Henry Ford

"Caption: we work in an office; however, we have dressed for the circus. What a humorous mixup."

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Stage producer.

'Stein, have you given any thought to using performance enhancing drugs?'

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

Man trying to take pictures of wild birds at feeder.

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

Critic software

'The Phantom Menace' 'The Extremely Tangible Menace'

How wire-tapping began. Is that some kind of eavesdropping equipment? Sort of

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"