Productivity Geek Gifts

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

New office equipment will greatly increase your productivity. This won't go unnoticed by higher-ups!

'What a day! The coffee machines weren't working! The computers weren't working! The employees weren't working!'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"The time study shows that everyone is watching the clock."

"Yeah! Okay you guys - let's do this!"

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

'And it was at this point when he switched from mouse-based, desktop computers to trackpad laptops.'

I'm away from my desk or on the other line. Leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep.

I feel like I'm more productive this way.

'It's great that you get a boost in productivity from working in the nude, Paul, but I need you to stop borrowing my chair.'

'Stein, have you given any thought to using performance enhancing drugs?'

'Since you think better in there, Hawkins, how's the McNulty account coming?'

'I wish you'd stay focused Simpson!'

'Since we installed the coffeepots, production has really picked up.'

'Some firms may be offering staff gyms and posh staff restaurants but we're taking 'lifestyle benefits' to new levels.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

The Dorrie Decimal System

Work Parfait

"I didn't spark joy."

Time Is Money

"It's OK to close tabs. Just click on it. Once you realize that you don't need that many open, it'll get easier. You can do this!"

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Motivation to work

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

Stressed over time management

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."