Productivity Nerd Gifts

'These graphs represent productivity between free-range and cubicled workers.'

'He does all he can to keep from doing all he could.'

"I think I see the problem."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Work Parfait

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

Time Is Money

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

Motivation to work

Stressed over time management

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'We need to have a shake-up!'

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"The admin shouldn’t take more than 30 or 40 hours, then you’ll be free to get on with some work."

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."