Productivity Geeks Gifts

"It's called 'bipedalism' -- It'll do wonders for our productivity!"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Time Is Money

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Motivation to work

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

I have plenty of work harder bees. Get me more work smarter bees.

Here's a new Blackberry with a special silent alarm that vibrates and delivers a small electrical shock. We call it the Gooseberry.

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

"Some days, no matter how much you procrastinate, work still gets done."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

Working Environment

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

"I think you're becoming a workaholic."