Efficiency Nerd Gifts

'It kills production when we have to stop the line every thirty minutes for an upgrade.'

Where your mind & battle are los

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Maybe clean out your wallet

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Late/Too Late.

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

Motivation to work

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Failure/Due Diligence

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"We find it as long as you manage the inputs, the outputs will look after themselves."

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"