Efficiency Enthusiast Gifts

"According to our time-and-motion studies, you handle your time very well but a lot of your motion is wasted."

'Steve, I admire your determination to make this plan work.'

Desk bins: 'Action' 'Action-Worthy' 'Action-ific'... 'Actually Done' (Nothing).

-"I finished the project on time and on budget!" -"Right, next project you get less time and less money!"

"Your solution is far too simple for a real expert..."

Desk trays - 'In' and 'Out-sourced'.

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

Woman trying to do lots of things at once

"We need to eliminate the middleman."

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'You should know I like sales presentations the way I like my soft boiled eggs: three minutes and you're done.'

Kevin finds that one hand-out between 20 people makes for difficult reading.

'I have to hang up. I only have an hour to get these reports done.'

Things you seldom see: "Right so we're agreed that no one ever reads most of these reports so let's not bother writing them,and those forms are a waste of space so lets just bin them as well."

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'

"It seems our new computer system is allowing us to implement idiotic ideas ten times faster than we've previously been able to!"

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

To save space, we eliminated hallways and doors, by adding catwalk and ladders.

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"

'Just when I thought we might become competitive they launch this vertical integration strategy.'

"We fired our legal department and bought a paper shredder instead!"

'A spreadsheet on a memory stick would have been fine.'

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Swiss Army Desk

'You're right...that robot certainly has increased productivity around here!'

"Cell phones really can increase your efficiency ? just turn them off!"

'Right so we're agreed then, no one ever reads these reports so there's no point writing them anymore...and while we're at it we can stop filling out these forms, they're a waste of time.'

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

'This new model cuts your work by half. It goes down half the time and stops you working.'

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

'You might want to cover the floor with something other than straw.' (Needles and Pins company).

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"Are we all consultants here? Does anyone actually work here?"

Acme towel company: "You're taking too long on your rest breaks."

Colour Version: Living by the Clock