Productivity Whiz Gifts

"So, how can we explain this dip in productivity which seems to happen every Wednesday?"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Staff support"

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Out and In.

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Time Is Money

Motivation to work

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

Time Out For Teddy

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

I have plenty of work harder bees. Get me more work smarter bees.

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

Here's a new Blackberry with a special silent alarm that vibrates and delivers a small electrical shock. We call it the Gooseberry.

"Some days, no matter how much you procrastinate, work still gets done."

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

Working Environment

"I think you're becoming a workaholic."