Office Whiz Gifts

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"I can see you and I'm still too busy."

'He's a whiz at everything he does. I suspect he may be on some performance enhancing drugs!'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"Staff support"

Out and In.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Multi-tasking.

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'WE use these computers to gather and organise data for our school district and, on a slow day, to play solitaire.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

'This computer has a fast modem, the latest Pentium, increased RAM, a huge hard drive and broadband connections. Only one problem...slow pointer fingers.'

"You were right. Building an online business empire is even more fun than playing games."

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

'My dog ate my computer.'

STRIP Hambone: Workers help is a hindrance

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

GO AHEAD ... MAKE MY DAY!

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"The results are impressive, but it'll be decades before we can transmit and receive pornography."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'Those enormous worldwide internet communities.'

"After a long day at the office writing business software...Bob loves to relax writing game software."

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

'Keep asking for more allowance. It's good practice for negotiating future stock and option grants.'

"I love the fact that you're a computer genius, Erwin. I just don't like fact that you look like one."

Computer making faces behind owner's back.

'Those are my twins: NASDAQ and Dow. They were born at the height of the dot.com boom.'

Teacher's Inbox: In One Ear/Out The Other

You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it.

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

"What's that you're reading?"

A young boy sits behind a lemonade stand with a sign that reads "Lemonade 25¢ - Jay Antosh, Chief Executive Officer".