Movie Production Gifts

"The director told me we were going to green-screen the cat in!"

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"Mrs Jenkins from administration? Next door. I'm Xkrpfz from special effects."

"Now all we need is a good script."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Director/Action Man toy.

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Cut!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

Brad Pitt

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

This side is the gag reel.

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.