Film Making Gifts

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

Directors Chair and Others.

Greasy film crew.

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

It's not enough just to 'milk me'...what's my motivation? Do I want to be milked?

"If it's Steven Spielberg, I'm not here!"

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'I got spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle, but I really want to do is direct.'

Gina soon regretted asking her father to videotape the wedding.

Numb and Number.

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

"Bring me a show with lots of killing. But family friendly."

"Well, can you squeeze me into a small part in your next movie, Mr Weinberger?"

"Oh no! Set decorator and special effects wizard Emilio Ruiz del Rio, who worked on 'Dr. Zhivago,' 'Lawrence of Arabia' and 'Pan's Labyrinth' has died!"

"Now all we need is a good script."

For Sale - The rights to my story.

"I'm preparing for a movie role. You?"

The Making of a Gag Cartoon

Kate Siegel caricature

"this is Justin, our special effects man."

"Frankly, your script sucks!"

"Sorry, you're a good character actor, but you don't have the physique to be the hero's horse. I can give you the trusted pack-horse role though..."

"Morning, Father. I'm the funeral director."

"I'm curious. Who did murder me?"

"How about a nature or beach scene to liven things up?"

Hollywood Think Tank

"Action!"

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."