Filmmaking Gifts

Goldilocks at Sundance.

"Enough storyboarding. Let's shoot something."

"All right, let's do it again. This time, you're good at acting."

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

'We are making a film of the book.'

Whoops, left the tape out. We'll have to start over.

"Could you ask the driver to slow down we're trying to film 'Great Railway Journeys' here.

A 1920's film director with hand-cranked camera and megaphone.

"We'll add the everything in afterward."

"My wife is recording everything the kids do until they leave for college. Then I'll binge-watch them grow up."

Man with mobile phone says: 'I can't call for help, I'm filming this for the TV news.'

"You can chase your accounting dream later, son. Your mother and I just want you to finish film school."

Chairs read 'Director (movie)' and 'Director (sycophantic DVD extras)'.

'I forgot - is this a movie set, or the real thing?'

Vasectomy the Movie "Cut!"

Computer wheeled down red carpet at film premiere. TV presenter says: 'Now, at last, here comes the real star of the movie!'

On the Science Newsbeat: 'Come back in...oh...let's say a year or two.'

"I actually don't know who he is .... but he's cheaper than a body camera."

"Got it!"

"I didn't mind the two hour video of their holiday, but..."

'Relax, Maude and watch the birdie'.

"… and the last item on the pre-nuptial aggreement is, … he wants final cut on all home videos."

'-and where are the CAMERAS I asked for?'

"I love my luvvie."

Directing Cows

Santa on television.

Canadian film production

A movie director shouting through bullhorn.

"Look, I love the city, too, but wouldn't it be cheaper to shoot this in Canada?"

'Cut!' (movie studio director)

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.

Sloth Studios - "Lights! camera! inaction!"

"Action! And this time believe!"

"When we play the footage backward, it'll look like you're repairing it."

'That's it! No more cameras in the courtroom!'