Film Processing Gifts

24 hour film processing - "Don't worry Cinderella, one day your prints will come."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Director/Action Man toy.

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Herman Mankiewicz

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Cut!

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Candid Camera store.

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Kritik's Korner

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

The star hunters

"Say hello to my little friend."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.