Film Making Prints

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

Directors Chair and Others.

Greasy film crew.

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

It's not enough just to 'milk me'...what's my motivation? Do I want to be milked?

"If it's Steven Spielberg, I'm not here!"

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

Numb and Number.

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

"Well, can you squeeze me into a small part in your next movie, Mr Weinberger?"

"Now all we need is a good script."

For Sale - The rights to my story.

"I'm preparing for a movie role. You?"

The Making of a Gag Cartoon

"this is Justin, our special effects man."

"Frankly, your script sucks!"

"Sorry, you're a good character actor, but you don't have the physique to be the hero's horse. I can give you the trusted pack-horse role though..."

"Morning, Father. I'm the funeral director."

"I'm curious. Who did murder me?"

"How about a nature or beach scene to liven things up?"

Hollywood Think Tank

"Action!"

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"What's the problem? I said dinner and a movie."

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

"Yeah, I had a few cups of coffee before I filmed the interview. Why?"

"I tried running in gyms, but nothing gets me motivated like running towards a love interest...."

Man Wrapped In Film

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."