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Bank Front

"I love my luvvie."

'Imagine what Hollywood special-effects people could do with this scene!'

'Does this book come with director commentary.'

'It's a deal: we don't eat you, and you get us on Jacques Cousteau's next special.'

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

3D business card

Looking for the next Hollywood blockbuster. . .

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

How most movies are filmed these days.

"Professor, we'd like to film you, and learn about your views of life, your family, and your hope for the future. It will be for a beer commercial."

"I got the part Mum! It's not even a wildlife documentary, it's a real film, so I actually get to act!"

I for one welcome our new alien overlords

"Gentlemen, this is Mr. Griscom, Super Films' new horror expert."

'Sometimes I think we shoot too much film and too few actors - give me your gun!'

The Delighted States of An Erica

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

'Ok, ok, ok. Just tell me the title.'

"I wasn't kidding when I said my first movie, Aztec Warriors of the Moon, made a mint -- here it is."

The director said 'cut'!

Wrangling War Films How to make and Fake them: VI A Zeppelin Raid on a Poultry Farm in the Vosges District

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

"They say she's gone completely Sundance."

Hollywood Think Tank

"I'm curious. Who did murder me?"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.