Making Films Prints

Attack of the Really Lame Stick Figures

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Director/Action Man toy.

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

No-Work Orange

Horror movies

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

Comedy Cafe

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Stand-up Romcom

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."