Movie Producers Gifts

"Let's make a movie. Who's hot?"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

'This will be great for chase scenes.'

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'