Prison Life Humorists Gifts

"You should've left room for a lot more days!"

Prisoner Painting With Food

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Convict Decor

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Martha bakes with her new friends.

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

"Any word on my appeal?"

All I'm saying is, the next time you go for a perp walk, I'd like to be included.