Prison Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

Listen. I'll change it in 30 - 60 days. Just use the yard until then.

No offense, Mr. Spontelli, but you're like, the worst guidance counselor ever.

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

"We live in a cell. Why can't we have a cellphone?"

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Hey. You're back.'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

"Any word on my appeal?"

'Some gagwriter you turned out to be!'

I don

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."