Prison Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

"I got 2 weeks for 20 years for my part in a time-share scam"

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Convict Decor

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'Hey. You're back.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'

"Any word on my appeal?"