Prison Comedy Fan Gifts

"You must be the new guy!"

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

Prison Librarian

"Have you been here long?"

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'Let's get a kitty.'

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Prisoner decorating his cell.

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

'It's windy this morning.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'