Prison Humor Fan Gifts

"Each time I was told to put myself in another man's shoes, I walk away in 'em."

'Hey. You're back.'

'Nothing to be concerned about -- just some stretch marks.'

'Just habit. Before he got here he spent three years under house arrest.'

"Mum's really looking forward to seeing you soon, Dad... And she wants to know how the tunnel's coming along."

"I know you have credit challenges, but I think I have a loan program that will get you into your dream cell."

'I'm quitting the prison band. All our groupies are murderers. And our world tour only goes as far as cellblock 'D'.'

'I'm pretty excited about the baby. It'll be its first break-and-enter.'

'This is nice - one doesn't get much opportunity to meet people in these open prisons...!'

'So we hijacked a car, rammed an ATM and they got us when we ran out of money filling the car with petrol.'

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

Convict Shot Putt.

'I figured I've saved over $4000.00 in tips eating here.'

"Unfortunately, my crime spree occurred just before today's level of incompetence set in at the F.B.I."

Prison Visitors.

Be my valentine.

'This wine is made from fermented raisins by convicts in the state penitentiary...'

Prisoner giving another prisoner hashmark tattoos on his arm to track days in prison.

'Still up to your old tricks, eh, Lefty? You're in here for counterfeiting and now you're faxing $20 bills to a cohort on the outside.'

'Want a cracker?'

'I demand a new cellmate! -- that bum you put me with is a thief!'

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'