Prison Life Humor Fans Gifts

'My running mate never visits me!'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

Convict Decor

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Hey. You're back.'

Exercise yard: 'It's windy this morning!' (Arrows on uniform all blowing away).

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

'So, how was your day?'

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'