Prison Life Humor Fans Gifts

'My running mate never visits me!'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Convict Decor

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'Hey. You're back.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

Exercise yard: 'It's windy this morning!' (Arrows on uniform all blowing away).

'Jackie Chan caught you? Now, that's a coincidence - Charlie Chan caught me!'

'So, how was your day?'

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"