Prison Life Humor Gifts

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

'Knock it off, slug! You're a disgrace to the uniform.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Convict Decor

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'It's for you.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'