Prison Jokes Gifts

' Meet your new cell-mate Governor Foozblatz- he has news regarding your request for a pardon...'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'It's for you.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

"Any word on my appeal?"

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

'They robbed the bank, I was just the pilot-fish...'

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'