Inmate Humor Gifts

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Convict Decor

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

All I'm saying is, the next time you go for a perp walk, I'd like to be included.

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

I don

'Some gagwriter you turned out to be!'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."