Inmate Humor Pillows

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Convict Decor

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

"Any word on my appeal?"

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."