Prison Humor Pillows

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

All I'm saying is, the next time you go for a perp walk, I'd like to be included.

HM Prison Vet

'I saw him first!'

'Just think of it as your time share condo.'

"Stealing office supplies, eh? I'm in for murder one!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Convict Decor

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Hey. You're back.'