Prison-themed Humor Pillows

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Hey. You're back.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

'So, how was your day?'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'