Prison Life Humor Pillows

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

'Knock it off, slug! You're a disgrace to the uniform.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Convict Decor

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'It's for you.'

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Hey. You're back.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'