Prison Life Humorist Pillows

'I was doing pretty good at first. Then we hit the showers, and my temporary tattoos washed off.'

Playing tic-tac-toe on prisoner's outfit.

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'I haven't worried about the price of gas for 18 years.'

Convict Decor

'I've changed my mind about the outdoors being boring.'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

Prisoner Crossing

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)