Jail Humorist Pillows

Prisoner

"Damn, wrong file."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

Prisoner Crossing

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

Convict Decor

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

At least you have security!

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'