Prison Life Humorists Pillows

Prisoner Painting With Food

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Convict Decor

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."