Prison Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

'Your request for a conjugal visit is denied - your husband objected!'

"I'd ask you in, but lockup is in 5 minutes."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Convict Decor

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Hey. You're back.'

"Any word on my appeal?"

All I'm saying is, the next time you go for a perp walk, I'd like to be included.