Prison Humor Aficionados Pillows

'Hey, do mind swinging by my place to pick up my jail-jammies?'

'Let's get a kitty.'

Conjugal visitors only!

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'Hey. You're back.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

'So, how was your day?'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'