Prison Jokes Pillows

' Meet your new cell-mate Governor Foozblatz- he has news regarding your request for a pardon...'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'It's for you.'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'

All I'm saying is, the next time you go for a perp walk, I'd like to be included.

"He told me it was for a hot tub."

'They robbed the bank, I was just the pilot-fish...'

"Any word on my appeal?"

I don

'Some gagwriter you turned out to be!'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."