Prison Experiences Gifts

'My wife says I take all the romance out of our conjugal visits.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

Exhibition for Prisoners

Sweet Jailbreak

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Prison Wallpaper.

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"We're so close that we're finishing each other's sentences."

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

Convict Decor

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

"Stay! Do not chase us! Staaay! Staaay!"

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"Wanna join my hangouts circle?"

'I was a computer executive -- but I performed an illegal operation and was shut down.'

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

Maybe it wasn't the best idea to put a climbing wall in the exercise yard.

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

"If you include my first marriage I'm a three time loser."

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."