Prison Experiences Pillows

'My wife says I take all the romance out of our conjugal visits.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

Exhibition for Prisoners

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Sweet Jailbreak

Prison Wallpaper.

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

"We're so close that we're finishing each other's sentences."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

Convict Decor

'I was a computer executive -- but I performed an illegal operation and was shut down.'

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

"If you include my first marriage I'm a three time loser."

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

"They're doing inspections-get the throw pillows in order."