Prison Life Quirks Pillows

'I'm being let go. Twenty years I give this place, and that's the thanks I get.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

Exhibition for Prisoners

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

Sweet Jailbreak

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

Prison Wallpaper.

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

'I was a computer executive -- but I performed an illegal operation and was shut down.'

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

"We're so close that we're finishing each other's sentences."

Convict Decor

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Wanna join my hangouts circle?"

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"If you include my first marriage I'm a three time loser."