Prison Life Quirks Pillows

'I'm being let go. Twenty years I give this place, and that's the thanks I get.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

Exhibition for Prisoners

When staffing agencies screw up.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Sweet Jailbreak

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

Prison Wallpaper.

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

"We're so close that we're finishing each other's sentences."

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

'I was a computer executive -- but I performed an illegal operation and was shut down.'

Convict Decor

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

"If you include my first marriage I'm a three time loser."