Prison Stories Gifts

'and you promise not to run off, right?'

Prison Wallpaper.

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

'For the hundredth time, it's, 'Hand over your wallet.' It ain't that complicated.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'There, there, Warden. He's in a better place now.'

'It wouldn't hurt you to visit me once in a while!'

'I don't like it either, but it was either this or a 50-stroke penalty.'

'Will you shut up with the stupid quotes from that stupid book?!!'

'A break-out? Forget it. Security's too tight. Can't even break out in a sweat around here without getting caught.'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'I'm quitting the prison band. All our groupies are murderers. And our world tour only goes as far as cellblock 'D'.'

'You MUST cut the grass when you get out,my hayfever is getting worse.'

'I had it all - the the IRS found where I had it hidden.'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

Tic-tac-toe

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'I had to throw all those cakes you've been sending because you keep leaving sharp implements in them.'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Sweet Jailbreak

"Yes, they are proud of me. I'm the first person in the family to get time off for good behavior."

Earl's magic show was very popular with his fellow inmates

Your wife send her best wishes!

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Let's get a kitty.'

'I'm in for being a killer. You?'

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'