Prison Storyteller Gifts

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

'Why did you leave your last job after being there for twenty years?' 'I got paroled.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

"I almost got away with it! Then somebody called in the SWAT team!"

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Sweet Jailbreak

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Prison Wallpaper.

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I'm in for being a killer. You?'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

In The Bastille

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

'I'm only here to pep up my autobiography.'

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'There's one clever man, he managed to lose almost a billion dollars before they caught him.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'It wouldn't hurt you to visit me once in a while!'

"I know it's my turn, but please continue."

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"